In an early post from this blog, dated December 30, 2013 (almost nine years ago to the day), I wrote: "The week between Christmas and New Year's is one of my favorites. Nothing too pressing ever happens in that week. No one ever remembers what they did during that week." The last two sentences remain true. The first could not be more false.
I now find this week unbearable. We are in the dreaded doldrums where productivity is non-existent but you still need to be a somewhat functional human in society. You (and by you I mean "I") busy yourself with household tasks and mindless practicing just to keep the demons at bay, but everyone knows you'd rather be curled up in layers of blankets somewhere binging Emily in Paris even though you're no longer sure whether you're hate-watching or just straight up enjoying it.
But you remain vigilant. You take your dog on long morning walks, soaking up sunlight which is supposed to help your circadian rhythm, never mind the fact that you stay up until well past midnight doom-scrolling on Reddit, the blue light from your phone screen frying your bloodshot eyeballs and inhibiting your melatonin. You refrain from having your first cup of coffee until 90 minutes after you wake up. You stretch (not as much as you should.) You meditate, sometimes. You wonder if you should stop heeding the advice of the attractive neuroscientist/podcaster whom your husband mistrusts because, as he puts it, "No one can be that smart AND that in shape."
You keep repeating the mantra of "You don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems" until semantic satiation kicks in and none of it means anything anymore. You think about the numerous projects kicking around in the waiting room of your consciousness, idly flipping through old Highlights magazines while they wait for you to get your act together.
You tell yourself you need to start journaling again. Where does the helpful coping mechanism begin and the productive procrastination end?
You open your laptop and log on to your blog page. You're about to find out.